repeat after me...COCKBLOCK. yes. COCKBLOCK. now i feel like bill on his vegas trip.

O Kay Prime: tonight i went to this thing called 'sex toys'
O Kay Prime: a thing sponsored by the dorms
O Kay Prime: i didn't think it would actually be about fucking sex toys!

stupid harold.

anyone else see the new matrix trailer? anyone else cream their pants after watching it?

thank nancy for finding this pic. she found it on asia carrera's website. don't ask me what she was doing on a porn star's website.

paul mccartney fucking rules.

me: (reads neama's latest posting)
me: awww, how nice.

last week, i was walking by the clothing section at the student store when one of the employees looked at me and yelped "hey john! oh wait, that's not john." i looked back and she looked away in embarassment. now i'm thinking "do i really look like that many people? how many times have i been mistaken for someone else?" then i remember all those times people at my work have said "oh, hi (insert random name) and i say 'my name's patrick.' " i also get a lot of "oh, you look so much like (insert random name)!" yeah, thanks.

now all i can really hope for is to be reincarnated as a rodeo monkey.

Neama: whenever i meet or see pictures of any of your friends they loook like the nerdiest people in the world

well, i'll be damned. i don't think my friends are nerdy.

school has started. bring on the depression!

my goddamn neighbors can fucking go to hell...

i think we've all had one of these days. it's like a kick in the nuts but worse. i haven't had one of these moments in a while. but ralph is my hero.

'tis the season for oranges. seems appropriate for me. i don't think i've watched an entire movie or tv episode with jennifer love hewitt in it. unless you count that family guy episode where she gets turned on by peter's horrible manners. i hear she also has an album out. does it suck? probably.

my toilet never ceases to amaze me. sometimes i'll take the world's biggest dump and one flush will do the trick. but other times, i'll drop a quickie and it takes me like three flushes to down the sucker. WTF. my toilet, in fact, not just my toilet, but the entire bathroom has issues. there's the big red light that really has no function except to dry you off (but then what are towels good for?). oh yeah, it's yellow too. yes, my bathroom is yellow. YELLOW. talk about camoflauge...

still have writer's block. i think. bill suggested that "undies, poo, and sex" are always interesting subjects to write about, which is true except harold has already written something about undies, my pooing sessions have been uneventful (nice solid turds, nothing out of the ordinary), and sex is something i hardly know about except for the random tales i overhear from people who think i'm asleep. so i guess i'm up shit creek for a while. but...

i did learn something new today. it turns out that the bananas we eat are hybrids and also sterile. and that bananas are expected to go extinct unless we use some of that fancy genetic engineering. it's ironic to think that the most phallic fruit (hah! fruit!) is asexual and sterile. sorta like my love life.

and now for something totally random. porn star asia carrera dressed up as winnie the pooh.

i have writer's block. i'll return when i have something interesting to say.

so i'm late. boohoo. i was driving up from riverside dammit. it's gray and wet in berkeley now. i miss me sunshine and smog. ok, not the smog. anyway, this is courtney cox. oh yeah, where's my issue of GR27!?!

i've been told that my blog is, like the rest of the internet, degenerating into an archive of softcore porn. i'd like to comment on that and say that the internet is mainly full of HARDCORE porn and not SOFTCORE porn. i guess i could get rid of the weekly pictures and actually write stuff that's funny, thoughtful, entertaining, or some shit like that. or i could just write paragraphs and paragraphs about how much life sucks and blah blah blah. while i'm at it, i could also take up crocheting, wearing dresses, get a reduction in no man's land (AND I MEAN NO MAN), and change my name to "patty." well, sheeit, screw that. the more boobies, the happier you are. think about it. you see one boob and you become slightly aroused. you see two boobs and it's like "wow, there's a party in my pants!" and by the time you see twenty boobs, you're saying "holy crap! i'm growing a fourth leg!" yup.
besides, my life ain't interesting so i live vicariously through others. all i ever do is hang around with my giant cock.



even drugged out humanities students at ucsd are putting up graffiti on the walls about my giant cock.

just to make up for yesterday.

haha, buzzkill! it looks like joe millionaire did some modelling work. have to love the smoking gun. normally, i disapprove of reality tv but joe millionaire sounds like a great idea. let's show what women are really want in a man. which is money. or a giant penis. either way, mr. millionaire wins. though what's bothers me is that the guy has a FUCKING SHADOW. jesus. a shadow. man.



it's true what they say...

tomorrow, i am determined to buy something from the ice cream man. wait, does the ice cream man come around in the winter?

cam whores scare me.

something felt kinda weird in my pants. then i checked a pocket and there was my favorite eraser! i've been searching for this thing for weeks. so now i can give back my roommate's eraser. this doesn't impact your life at all but hell, i'm happy.

harold sent me a link to the comic rehabilitating mr. wiggles and it's extremely disgusting, disturbing, hilarious, and well-written at the same time. this shit is ripe!

i'm scared.

oh, how nice

and so ends the week of fruit. i was going to photoship the letters out of the pic then i realized that i don't get paid at all for this site so i said fuck it. this would have gone up earlier but i was in LA.

now that's a lot of fruit.

this makes me think that strawberry fields are forever. oh yeah, it's halle berry with a bunch of strawberries. get it? halle BERRY. strawBERRIES. yup, killed that one.

and i give you GRAPES! if you can't tell who that is, you're an idiot. but if you are an idiot, that's angelina jolie.

if you want a picture of "grape," then bug neama to get his ass on it because i don't even know her real name.

first fruit of 2003. i haven't had a peach in a while. i have no idea what this chick's name is.