fruitastic

looking at myself, my brother, and a lot of my friends, i got to thinking how screwed up in the head most of us our dealing with the opposite sex. it's like we never got the basic training for it. then again, who does? but the thing is that a lot of our parents were never really intimate with each other and with their children. i could narrow this down to an asian thing (hell, it's mostly true) but this applies to everyone in a similar position. i could never ask my mom or dad about relationship advice, i'd feel really really weird. the same sort of weird/disgust you get when you look at aphex twin's cover art for windowlicker. but i know plenty of people who can talk about what not with their parents. i envy them for that. instead of trying to figure out things for ourselves, we decided to put those desires on the backburner and bury ourselves in work and/or school. then all of a sudden you feel the need to fulfill those feelings but realize that you're behind in the game. while everyone else is making home runs, you're learning how to swing the bat. why do we do this to ourselves? it's painful to watch. i wish i had dealt with my fears earlier on instead of escaping into the familiar. but now what's done is done.

i'm sounding depressing as hell. i need Life After God right now. i should have never written this update. but i'm too lazy to hold down backspace.